Here are the movies I saw in December 2024.
Bonhoeffer: Pastor. Spy. Assassin
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! LEND ME YOUR EARS!!! For I, the Video Game Doomsayer, have a simple policy. I recognize that I have the luxury to watch and play whatever medium I fancy. Since most of my day consist of standing atop my soapbox screaming at the sky, I am free to spend the rest of my time as I see fit. So when a fellow vagabond asks me to accompany them to a film, I often let them pick the movie. This time, the old nomad had been diving into World War II history and the film Bonhoeffer: Pastor. Spy. Assassin caught his attention. If only I knew what I was signing up for.
By the time that Angel Studio logo flashed onto the big screen, I knew it was too late. For those who haven’t heard of the studio, Angel Studio, is a Mormon-based media company, focus on flooding theaters with films leaning toward traditional Christian themes. They are the studio responsible for The Sound of Freedom, the film about the Homeland Security Investigator who rescues kids for child trafficking gangs. While the film is competently made and had some characters I enjoyed following, it conveniently leaves out all the sexual misconduct allegations that have been levied against the agent. Impartial, they are not.
So is Bonhoeffer: Pastor. Spy. Assassin a film worthy of your time? The only word that can come to mind is fine; which is reviewer speak, for nothing is wrong, but I don’t wish to watch it again. The film follows Dietrich Bonhoeffer as he becomes a pastor during the rise of Nazi-Germany. The words spy and assassin in the film’s title are doing some serious heavy lifting. Bonhoeffer’s spy work consisted of lobbying the USA and England to stop Germany. The so-called assassination attempt included assisting in failed plans to assassinate Hitler; he wasn’t even the one with the bomb on his chest. While Bonhoeffer: Pastor. Spy. Assassin is not the worst film I have seen, it is so dry you will find it challenging to not open your phone and scroll TikTok or Instagram during the film.
However, what truly stings about this film, is its message that people of faith need to stand up against tyranny will certainly be lost among both its creators and its target audience. Some people are completely incapable of learning lessons that history can teach.
It’s quite ironic.
Get Away
As a fan of the Edgar Wright’s Cornett Trilogy, I will forever be loyal to Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. If any of those three, even breathe on the set of a film, I will be first in line for that film. So when I catch wind of Nick Frost writing, directing and starring in a horror film, you know I had a ticket before the word got out. That said film was Get Away, a film about a British family vacationing to a remote Swedish island with a history of cannibalism. Naturally, when the locals learn a British family is vacationing on their island, they become enraged as their history of cannibalism came to be because the British Empire quarantined their island due to a plague.
As you can imagine, the film is gearing up for Frost’s family to be eaten. However, the film pulls a second act twist, that I won’t spoil, but left me without a side to really root for. One could make the argument that the film is trying to be an allegory for colonialism and the damage it does to both parties. I certainly won’t dispute that. However, people don’t go to the movies for just moral lessons, we watch movies for the characters we choose to root for. By all means, you can subtly weave in deeper themes and messages into your film, but it will not matter if I am left wishing neither side had survived the conflict. By the end of Get Away, when some survivors were able to walk away, all I could do was shrug in discontent. I am sorry, Nick Frost, I did not enjoy your film. Still love your performance in Hot Fuzz, though.
Flow
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS! I PRESENT THE ACADEMY AWARD’S BEST ANIMATED FILM OF 2024: FLOW. For those blissfully unaware of this film, until it was Award season, Flow is an animated film about a black cat who has to seek refuge on a boat as the world begins to flood. Many will lament this film for the artistry on display when it comes to the beautiful scenery, but I believe the film’s true beauty lies in its wordless narrative and character design. Each animal, aboard the boat, has a personality that shines through their actions. From the solitary and skittish cat protagonist to the overly-warm Golden Retriever who just wants to be everyone’s friends to the dependable capybara who is always puts the needs of the group before himself. This film has put more effort into their characters than most big budget movies, AND THERE IS NOT ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE. If this isn’t art, then I truly question if any of us know what art is.
Die Hard (1988)
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! I, the Video Game Doomsayer, must declare I have come to end the argument over whether Die Hard deserves to be considered a Christmas film. I stand before you, to proclaim a Christmas film is not one that solely celebrates the holiday. A Christmas film is one that you and your family gather together to watch together to enjoy each other’s company. Some might watch Elf, like my family. Others might watch Die Hard, Batman Returns or Eyes Wide Shut. As long as you are with friends and family, with cheer in your heart, any movie can be a Christmas movie. Die Hard can be a Christmas movie if you want it to be. Ho… Ho… Ho.
Nosferatu
ROBERT EGGERS!!! PLEASE TAKE PITY ON THIS MORTAL SOUL!!! FOR I MUST CONFESS … I found Nosferatu to be just fine. I do not long to rewatch it, in the same way I contemplate rewatching The Lighthouse or even The Witch. I dare not claim that the film is poorly written, acted, or directed; however, nothing really excited me. I walked into the theater expecting a moody vampire piece and got exactly that. There was nothing that haunts me in the same way Thomas Wake’s curse does in The Lighthouse. To be frank, I believe this to be due to the fact that this is merely a retelling of Nosferatu and not in any way a new spin on a vampire tale.
My loyal followers, I believe my disappointment stems from the fact, I have already seen Eggers remix witch and Lovecraft mythology into his own original films. To merely watch him retell the Nosferatu tale, with a higher production value, just does not excite me. In an age where studios have become more obsessed with intellectual properties, directors, like Eggers, have enough weight behind their names to be able to create whatever they want. They are not shackled to superhero brands; surely he can find a studio willing to bankroll his original ideas. The same goes for Nolan too; when Wishbone has already done a perfect retelling of The Odyssey, then it is too late to put your stamp on this ancient story.
Nosferatu is fine as a film, I just expect more from Eggers.
Wicked
Another confession for you, my loyal followers, I had no doubt that the production values and the music for Wicked would be top-notch. What ultimately surprised me was how rich and in depth the story was. Initially, I was not shock to see Glinda, the Good Witch, was the obnoxious preppy rich girl that we have seen a thousand times. It was when she started to see Elphaba for her struggles and begin sympathizing with her that I was struck with the realization that I was watching an actual movie with character growth. A realization that became all too true when Glinda betrays Elphaba for selfish and cowardly reasons. I am sure the theater kids in the back will point out that this story has been fine-tuned to a mirror shine on Broadway. For me, I care not, where the inspiration for a good movie comes from, just that what I see on the screen makes me feel something. Bonhoeffer, Get Away and Nosferatu all failed to do so, yet Wicked has me cracking a smile whenever I think about it.
Also, I appreciate that the film does not feel the need to end on a desperate cliffhanger to guarantee we come back for the sequel. Cough, cough, Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse, cough.
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
I struggle to find words to describe Edward Scissorhands. Not because I think it is a bad film; on the contrary, I had a good time with this Tim Burton classic. Yet that is the issue. I feel as though if you have seen any Tim Burton movie, then you will be quite familiar with this film. Eccentric characters, macabre aesthetic clashing against normality, questions of identity, and many more Burton tropes are on full display. Your Tim Burton bingo cards will be filled out by the first act alone. Again, this doesn’t make Edward Scissorhands a bad film. I sympathized with Edward in this strange suburban world. I cheered for Peg, when she sudo-adopts Edward, partly because she feels she’s an outcast in her own suburbia cliché. Edward Scissorhands does exactly what is says on the tin, and frankly, it doesn’t need to be more than that.
Destroy All Neighbors
GATHER ROUND, FANS OF COMEDY HORROR!!! FOR, I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU!!! I present Destroy All Neighbors, a movie best described as Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart meets I Love You Man. The film revolves around William, a prog-rock musician, struggling to complete his magnum opus prog-rock album, when an obnoxious neighbor, Vlad, moves in next door. In an attempt to make peace with Vlad, Will goes to his apartment, accidentally kills him, and begins to be haunted by Vlad’s disembodied head. The film leans into the wacky and bloody nature that comedy horrors are known for, but also has that quirkiness that prog-rock fans have culminated over the years.
Whether you love comedy horrors or are obsessed with the obscurest of prog rock, I think you will find Destroy All Neighbors to be a prefect blend of freaky and funny.
You’ll Never Find Me
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! Do you know why I love Silent Hill, specifically Silent Hill 2? Art should always be holding a mirror to remind us of the monster looking back at us. Works like Silent Hill 2 and more recently, Mouthwashing, remind us all that we have the capability to become the most vile, selfish versions of ourselves. You’ll Never Find Me subscribes to this philosophy as well. The film is about Patrick, just a guy living in his humble mobile home. On the eve of a violent thunderstorm, a woman knocks on his door. He graciously lets her into his dark cramped home despite the tension between the two. Be warned, You’ll Never Find Me could be considered by many to be a slow burner; it’s careful to not give too much of itself away until the explosive final minutes. Much like Mouthwashing, I urge you to go into You’ll Never Find Me as blind as you can. I promise it is worth the expense.