Blockbusters, horror and queer films, oh my.
Friendship
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! A confession for you, my loyalest of followers. I am most certainly a fan of Tim Robinson and his sketch comedy, I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson. I cannot stop the grin from worming its way onto my face when I watch Tim in the most uncomfortable situations. So naturally, why not just make one of those scenes into a movie. String together a handful of sketches with a loose fitting plot; throw in a charismatic and equally funny Paul Rudd in for good measure. You have yourself the ingredients for comedy gold. Well, my loyal followers, sometimes the idea you put down on paper, doesn’t always pan out.
The main plot running through Friendship is Craig, played by Tim Robinson, meets Austin, played by Paul Rudd, when returning a package for Austin that was mistakenly dropped off at his house. The two oddly hit it off and a friendship starts to form. However, the friendship falls apart when Craig takes some rough housing too seriously during a boy’s night. From that moment, Craig is desperate to do anything to win Austin back. From showing up at Austin’s work to stealing a gun from his house, Craig starts sinking into deeper and more vain acts just to get Austin’s attention.
The film oscillates back and forth from being awkward, to funny, back to awkward and finally just sad. It definitely felt as if a I Think You Should Leave sketch going on far past the punchline. Imagine a bunch of those sketches strung together, leading to someone having the worst day possible. They are fired from their hot dog salesman position because they drove the hot-dog-shaped van, into a store. Then, he tries to get a pay-it-forward chain going because he’s out of a job with no cash to his name. Finally, he comes home to learn his girlfriend left him because he spent too much time on the zip line during their last date. Isolated, these incidents have great comedic elements to them; string them together, and you start to feel guilty for the universe’s metaphorical chew toy. I applaud Robinson for taking the leap to the big screen, but Friendship is not something I would show to someone I call a friend.
Final Destination: Bloodlines
As a card-carrying millennial, I am aware of the infamous logging death scene in Final Destination 2, and it convinced a whole generation to avoid driving behind logging trucks. Despite this knowledge, I never saw this 2003 thriller nor the other films in the series. Fortunately, the recent Final Destination Bloodline, has given me an opportunity to taste what this series has to offer. The film focuses on intergenerational trauma, that felt more fitting than the shoehorned trauma in Thunderbolts. The family’s grandma survived a Final Destination experience and basically became a doom preper. Anxiety took over as she was constantly worried death would come for her kids. So with death metaphorically knocking at the door, the family has to learn that you’re not living if you’re constantly worried about death. While not a traditional horror film, the suspense filled nature of watching a Rube Goldberg machine arm itself and then spring to life in a gory fashion was satisfying to watch.
My one complaint of the movie is that the dialogue feels a little off. I have been noticing this in movies like the Scream reboot, Heart Eyes, and now Final Destination Bloodlines. The way all the characters speaks feels like there is no conflict amongst each other. One of the characters in Final Destination Bloodlines said she was mad at the main character for visiting their grandmother, but the way she said it made it feel like she could forgive her at any moment. It feels like this weird millennial/gen z hybrid where everyone loves everyone even when there is friction between them. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it is something I have noticed. I am sure if I watched a ton of films from the 90s and the 00s, I would notice weird dialogue trends amongst them as well.
Overall, solid film and one that makes me interested in exploring the rest of the series.
Dogma (1999)
Whoever is responsible for this movie being locked away, Blu-rays being rare and being cast out from streaming deserves to burn in the pits of hell. For those unaware of Kevin Smith’s masterpiece, Dogma is a film about Bethany, a woman suffering a crisis of faith, tasked with preventing two angels from entering a church and undoing reality. Along the way, she forms a rag tag team consisting of Jay and Silent Bob, the 13th apostle and a muse. The brilliance of the film, is in Smith’s expertise in balancing the satire and deep philosophical conversations about religion. It expertly pokes fun at the gaudy overindulgent churches that has become the Catholicism brand, but is still able to have an open and honest conversation about why people drawn to go to church. You can feel Smith torn between wanting to have faith, but struggling to get past the ugliness that religion has morphed into. Something, I imagine, many struggle with as faith has been used a weapon to divide and control us. This is easily my favorite film about religion, and I think anyone who has walked away from Catholicism should check out.
28 Days Later (2002)
As I stand atop my soapbox in the year of 2025, I think we can thoroughly agree that the zombie genre has run its course. Zombies serve to push a handful of well written characters into life or death situations. With the new zombie film, 28 Years Later, peering over the horizon, I felt it was a good opportunity to go back to where the series started.
Now before you shout me down from my soapbox, I know the series claims that these aren’t zombies, but infected. I certainly enjoyed watching the opening scene where a chimp with the rage virus attacks and creates patient zero, but at the end of the day, these infected are no different from zombies. Semantics aside, I am not sure if 28 Days Later was the first zombie film to laser focus on the struggles of the remaining survivors, but it does a damn good job of it. As the rag tag group of Jim, Selena, Frank and Hannah work together to make their way across infected London, I became deeply invested in their survival. The moment where one of them becomes infected and begins screaming at them to get away before being shot, tore my heart asunder; despite being a common zombie film trope.
With the torrent of zombie films over the years, I can see how someone might consider this derivative. However, considering how this film walked, so many more zombie films can run, I believe 28 Days Later should be held up as a great amongst the genre.
Bound (1996)
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! I always find it fascinating when two unlikely genres are smashed together to create something unique. Bound, for example, is a mob movie intermixed with a lesbian love story. Much like many forms of fusion food, it sounds like it wouldn’t work, but somehow does. Our story revolves around Corky, played by Gina Gershon, an ex-con who moves into an apartment building next to a big time gangster. A fling between her and the mobster’s girlfriend, Violet, played by Jennifer Tilly, forms and the two hatch a plan to steal some money from her mobster boyfriend, Caesar, played by Joe Pantoliano.
While scenes such as Corky and Violet making love might feel out of place next to Caesar having a sit down with the crime family, it’s the strong writing that ties this movie together. Every character is well-defined and adapt at playing their cards close to their chest. Yes, Corky and Violet are trying to work together, but the feeling Violet might have seduced her and will sell her out the moment the plan goes sideways is always ever present. It’s akin to watching a tense high stakes game of poker; I was on the edge of my seat the entire film. There’s no doubt the writers and directors behind this film will go one to do great things. Who are the writers/directors, you ask? Lily and Lana Wachowski, of course.
Dangerous Animals
If you have the itch that can only be scratched with a summer shark film, then do I have the movie for you. MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, MAY I PRESENT DANGEROUS ANIMALS. Our film revolves around Zephyr, a free spirited surfer who has a run in with a serial killer named, Bruce Tucker. Bruce, played by Jai Country, is mesmerized by the shark in a way that only Steve Irwin can match. He waxes poetically about how sharks are a perfectly engineered killing machine, and gets off on kidnapping tourists to feed to the sharks. A sharp blend of serial killer and shark monster movie.
Alas, the devil is in the details on this one. Early on, Zephyr meets a guy and they hit it off. She ends up ghosting him in the fear of losing her independence. Bruce even recognizes her drive and solidarity, comparing both himself and her to the predatorial beasts that he greatly admires. These details might be overlooked by audience members who just want to watch Bruce feed people to sharks, but these elements allow the film to avoid being labeled just another generic horror film. Much like Abigail, these characteristics help flesh other Zephyr, Bruce and the rest of the cast into real people, thus we become invested in their survival. Sadly, it’s an overlooked part of horror films, even to this day. Alas, Dangerous Animals, is able to avoid the jaws of the mediocre film beast with its gory shark attacks and sharp writing.
Bring Her Back
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! PRAISE BE MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! The Philippou brothers, the brothers behind the brilliant Talk to Me, have released a new movie: Bring Her Back. This film is about a brother and her blind sister going to live with a new foster mother after the sudden death of their father. At first, the foster mother Laura, played by Sally Hawkings, appears nice, but slowly begins giving unsettling signs. Including fostering a young boy named Oliver, who checks off all the boxes in the classic creepy kid stereotype. Yes, unfortunately, my loyal followers, I don’t think Bring Her Back reaches the heights of Talk to Me. I certainly respect the film for being a dive into grief and pondering just how far you will go to bring a loved one back. However, the movie is rather predictable. Laura mentions early that her deceased daughter was also blind, and makes it very clear that she only wanted to foster the sister. The pieces fall into place rather quickly, and films where I can see where the final act is building to, struggle to hold my attention. I am not ready to write off the Philippou brother’s just yet, nor will I say Bring Her Back was a bad film. I do, however, hope they can put the time into a story on par with Talk to Me.
Friday the 13th (1980)
If you told a marketing expert, that you didn’t want your slasher icon to show up in the first film, they would turn white as a ghost. With the 13th of June landing on a Friday, what better time to watch the films that gave birth to the infamous hockey mask wearing slasher: Friday the 13th. With this being my first time with the film, I was unaware that Jason would only show up at the end and his mother would more or less be the star of the show. Even without Jason, the film is well paced, giving us a drip feed of teens slashed to bits. Sure, the gore in this film looks dated by today’s standards. However, when you’re nearly old enough to be the Homeland Security Secretary, you can’t help it when your face, er… I mean, effects, start to look droopy. Overall, Friday the 13th is still a solid 80s slasher flick.
The Phoenician Scheme
My loyal followers, if the fate of the world depended on me guessing what films belong to a specific director: I would pick Wes Anderson. From the peculiar way the camera moves to the quirky obtuse characters, no other filmmaker is so consistently on brand than Wes Anderson. Some love it, other loath it. I find his films to be a great palette cleanser after watching nothing but bog-standard action films. The metaphorical vegetables pairing with deserts, but vegetables that have been cooked and seasoned to perfection.
Today’s helping from Anderson is The Phoenician Scheme, a film about wealthy entrepreneur Zsa-Zsa Korda, played by Benicio del Toro, trying to complete his one last financial project: a massive infrastructure project in the Phoenician. During this time, he is also trying to convince his an estranged daughter, who became a nun, to be the sole heir to his estate. I find myself thinking fondly on this film, as it seems to minimize the head scratching moments and focus on the relationship between Zsa-Zsa and his daughter, Liesl, played by Mia Therapleton. Fear not, fans of Anderson’s quirkiness, Anderson has included many of his trademark oddball characters, including Michael Cera as an entomologist. I do feel, with the almost scaled down nature, this might be the best entry point into Anderson’s catalog. If you have been dining on nothing but the film equivalent of ice cream, I do implore you to give this rich helping of steamed vegetables a try.
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Many of the things I praised about 28 Days Later carry over to this sequel, despite having a different writer/director team. The focus is on the people and what they do in these stressful moments. In the case of Don, he chooses to run rather than save his wife Alice. Assuming she didn’t survive the encounter, Don is stunned when his kids discover her still alive. It begs us to question our own morals in these desperate times. Yet, the film is still able to shed some light, showcasing the heroics of one Sergeant Doyle, played by Jeremy Renner, with one of the most bone-chilling sacrifices I have seen in a film.
Now, my loyal followers, I am not someone who likes to nitpick plot details. If I can understand the characters and their motives, and the ride is enjoyable enough, I won’t really care if the hero or villain’s plans are stupid. The internet has raged on about Thanos’s plans in Avengers: Infinity Wars. Yet, it doesn’t matter if his plan just kicks the can down the road, he truly believed it was the only option. With that in mind, the US Army’s emergency quarantine plan is horrendous if one lone infected can just waltz in. How is that entrance not covered? I understand they need to spread the infection and create chaos in the base, but with how well written everything else is, this one detail feels incredibly lazy. Nonetheless, I still think this film belongs in the upper echelon of zombie films.
Mission Impossible – The Final Reckoning
I think Tom Cruise needs more credit when it comes to consistently making action films with smooth as butter pacing. With Mission Impossible – The Final Reckoning being the final in the series, it would have been easy for the film to morph into a string of references and cameos. Or even worse, become obsessed with its own lore; looking at you Fast and Furious X. Fortunately, as soon as the film starts to feel the weight of a scene dragging too long, it immediately throws Cruise into an action set piece. The film doesn’t even have time to give the world-destroying AI a name other than the Entity; a name, that I would not be surprised, was initially just a placeholder name and the writers forgot to change it. Despite my friendly jabs, I did walk out of the theater satisfied with the film. I won’t say this is the best Mission Impossible, nor any particular scene belongs in a top ten Mission Impossible stunts list. Yet, this is a solid send off to the franchise from Cruise and his team.
The Life of Chuck
When I think about nihilism, I often think about that Rick and Morty quote: nothing matters, come watch TV. Occasionally, a movie will come along that wants to scream that’s bullshit to the fictional fourteen-year-old character, and tell them life does matter. The Life of Chuck, my loyal followers, is one of those movies. A story about a man who has, an unfortunately short life, but is able to make it matter. Simply by being unafraid to enjoy the simpler things, like dancing. Director Mike Flanagan said in an interview that out of all the films he had worked on, this is the one he was most proud of, and I can certainly see why. In an age, where it is so easy to fall into the red pill nihilism that Rick and Morty has festered in, The Life of Chuck stands as a brilliant remedy to all of it.
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE FILMMAKERS!!! The easiest way to get me atop my soapbox and cry out to the masses to see your movie, is to include some raw, unfiltered rock and roll in your film. My heart is one of a rock n’ roll drummer, keeping the organs of this old Doomsayer beating in sync. So when I was presented with the rock opera Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I couldn’t help raise up my hands in the shape of the devil horns and head bang throughout the whole film. The film revolves around Hedwig; a queer punk rocker who travels from East Berlin to the US. There she meets Tommy Gnosis and they become lovers and bandmates. Unfortunately, Tommy ends up stealing all of Hedwig’s songs, forcing her to rebuild herself in a Midwestern tour. With scenes including a bandmate attacking an audience member for calling Hedwig a freak, I couldn’t help but feel like Hedwig and the Angry Inch was one of the most punk rock films I had ever seen. With the world on the brink of destruction, some punk rock that’s unafraid to be true to who they are, is definitely what we need right now.
28 Years Later
If you were hoping for a mindless zombie film, then congratulations, you got your wish. As someone who is invested in the art of storytelling, it was disappointing to watch this film. 28 Years Later is two stories fused into one, and they both clash with each other like oil and water. The film revolves around Spike, a young teen who lives in an isolated community. The first half of the film show us Spike’s Dad taking him on a hunt in the mainland, a forging expedition. During these scenes, the film makes it painfully clear that Spike is not only scared of the infected, but uncomfortable with killing them. He has multiple opportunities to kill infected that are basically pinned down, and hesitates twice in one day. When a pack of infected even attack Spike and his father, he is unable to provide any support and is frozen in fear as his Dad deals with their assailants. My grievances do not stem from being a terrible hunter; it’s what the second half of the film tries to convince us of, that rubs me the wrong way.
After returning from this hunt, Spike decides he is going to take his terminally ill mother into the mainland in the hopes of finding her a doctor. The film asks us to forget the previous day when Spike struggled to draw his bow on an infected suspended upside down, and believe he can escort a woman who can barely stand on her own into the infected riddled mainland. This is what people talk about when they refer to a Mary Sue character. If you want to show us an inexperienced Spike slowly gaining the confidence to survive, then I welcome it. If you want to show us an experienced Spike taking on the burden of caring for his mother in hostile territory, then I welcome that story as well. What I will not tolerate is the idea that these two stories happen mere hours between each other. Combined with the almost comical ending makes me thoroughly uninterested in 28 Years Later 2. I will certainly be weary of watching future Danny Boyle films.
F1
My loyal followers, sometimes you don’t need to reinvent the wheel; you just need to polish it to a mirror shine. F1 pledges itself to this philosophy entirely. Anyone who has seen a handful of racing films will most likely recognize the various story beats the film employs. Brad Pitt plays Sonny Hayes, the aging driver who is pulled back into F1 when his long time friend Ruben, played by Javier Bardem, asks him to join his F1 team to assist his young prodigy. Sonny must get back into the swing of racing Formula 1 with hot shot rookie Joshua Pearce, played by Damson Idris, determined to not be outshined by Sonny. From that description alone, you can see elements from Days of Thunder and Cars 3. However, the eye is in the detail. Not only is director Joseph Kosinski using every camera trick he learned from Top Gun: Maverick, but the script is working overtime to make Sonny and Joshua feel far from stock characters. The film goes through great lengths to highlight both racer’s pre-race ritual, emphasizing the details that make these two drivers similar but different. Even off the track, the film goes through painstaking detail to show, that even though Hayes and Pearce are get drivers, they wouldn’t get far without their strategy and upgrades made to the car. This film was made for an IMAX theater, and was easily one of my favorite films from this year.