It’s the dog days of summer.
Together
My loyal followers, I, the Video Game Doomsayer, must confess. Sometimes I get too invested in a movie highlighting a specific message. For too long, I have witnessed people sacrifice so much of themselves to satisfy a relationship that they become hollow husks of the people they used to be. We all know couples who seem to be unable to function when separated, to the point people start combining their names to mock them. When I saw the trailers for Together, a body horror film about losing yourself in a relationship, I was prepared to start throwing the film in people’s face whenever they long to find a new partner as fast as humanly possible. Well, my loyal followers, I got my wish, but the monkey paw’s curled a singular finger when making this film.
Together, is a film about Tim, played by Dave Franco and Millie, played by Alison Bree (who is married in real life to Franco), and the impasse in their relationship that they have reached. Millie, wants something serious, while Tim has had his world turned upside down with the death of his parents. In the hopes of pushing Tim towards this serious relationship, Millie takes a job in the countryside and buys a house. Tim, in his fragile state, agrees to go with Millie and abandons his friends and hobbies, a rock band he plays in, to preserve his relationship. One weekend, the pair go for a hike in the forest behind their house; they get lost and must seek shelter within a strange cave. The next morning, Tim and Millie’s bodies begin to act strange, being unable to pull themselves off of each other.
As the film plays out, I was giddy with glee. It was so painstakingly clear that Tim and Millie’s relationship was over, and no amount of compromises or faked enthusiasm could repair the giant crack forming in their lives. Tim clearly needed time to heal, and Millie’s ambition was not ready to give Tim that time. Naturally, in traditional body horror fashion, the hubris of Tim and Millie thinking they could still make things work, leads to some gruesome moments. Unfortunately, the ending undoes everything the story is working towards. I will do my best to not spoil anything, but the ending basically says the problem isn’t that Tim and Millie need to break up, the problem is they haven’t committed ENOUGH of themselves to this relationship. They need to sacrifice more of what makes them unique in order to be in a healthier relationship. A message that I am sure will not lead to your partner beginning to experience feelings of resent and bitterness.
Unfortunately, my followers, despite being a movie about two people beginning to fuse together, Together failed to become a cohesive story by the end.
The Naked Gun
Another confession for you, my loyal followers. I admit, I didn’t have much faith in The Naked Gun reboot. The alarm bells were going off screaming that this was a cynical cash grab trying to capitalize on the name alone. I am sure the executives at the top thought this would be a very safe venture, this had the opportunity to be one of those tone-deaf reboots that are thrown onto streaming services a month later. Fortunately, The Naked Gun was in the hands of artists who knew exactly how to keep the movie fresh and still stay true to the originals. The film continuously throws the straight face dry humor that the series is known for, while continuing to poke fun at the criminal justice system and the media that glorifies it. Mix in with Liam Neeson’s stone-cold stare, that became iconic to Taken, and I couldn’t help smile at The Naked Gun’s constant stream of jokes. I will always remember an interview with Nelson stating that he did his best to play it straight and not force anything. He knew that the writing and directing had set him up to be successful with the film’s dry wit, and I couldn’t agree more. Despite being a harsh critic, I do enjoy when a movie is able to prove me wrong; believe the hype with this one.
Weapons
MY FOLLOWERS, PLEASE HEED YOUR STONES AND GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN. I know what I am about to say isn’t a welcomed opinion in the horror film circles, but yet I am compelled to stand atop my soapbox and shout my opinion: I DID NOT ENJOY WEAPONS.
Again, heed your stones, and hear me out. I’ll confess I was drawn into the mysterious story that the trailers and first half of Weapons lays forth. A classroom full of kids all awake from their sleep and run off into the dark night; an eerie premise that had my mind racing on where the film planned to go. Mix in some unsettling dream sequences in the first act, and I found myself on the edge of my seat. Unfortunately, I think the last half of the film over explains itself to a damaging degree. I often think about the story in Silent Hill 2, a story that has no desire to over explain itself. It trusts the audience to decipher its symbolism and metaphors, making the audience feel that much more clever when they unwrap the mystery. Weapons seems so proud of its story that it explains it like an over eager child. Just before our heroes are able to piece together what happened, the film flashes back to a few days just before the kids went missing and spells out everything that happened. As someone who was able to pick up on what was happening when two characters were conspicuously watching a documentary about the plant that turns ants into zombies, watching the film painstakingly run through events, just felt like the film didn’t trust me or audience members to use our brain to decipher the mystery for ourselves.
Finally, I just couldn’t take the ending of Weapons seriously. Without spoiling the end, I can easily imagine someone will make a YouTube video of the ending with the Benny Hill theme overlaying it. The ending is one step removed from a Scooby-Doo chase scene. Yes, I’ll admit I often say the difference between comedy and horror is just the music, but Weapons did nothing to allow itself to shift from horror/thriller into horror-comedy. Maybe, if the second half of the film didn’t feel the need to explain itself like I was someone scrolling TikTok instead of paying attention to them, I would be willing to let this slide. However, all of these elements combined to create one of the fastest souring on a movie I have ever experienced. I am glad Weapons made enough money, so executives can’t say horror doesn’t sell. However, I have no real drive to spent my limited time watching this film again.
Strange Harvest
For those of you, scratching your heads, wondering what this film is, let me stand atop my soapbox and proclaim the good word of Strange Harvest. This film is a mockumentary about a fictional serial killer named Mr. Shiny. Strange Harvest aims to be a found footage horror, showcasing murders from camera and cellphones, intermixed with crime-thriller styled interviews with the cops attempting to bring Mr. Shiny to justice. With the found footage scenes being brief snippets from a Ring or security camera, the film avoids the common found footage trope of making the footage blurry and unable to decipher what’s going on. The interviews with Detective Joe Kirby, played by Peter Zizzo, and Detective Alexis Taylor, played by Terri Apple, highlight how haunted and disturbed the two detectives were by the killings of Mr. Shiny. It would have been easy for these interviews to be thrown away scene, but the writing and acting can easily make you forget this movie is complete fiction. Throw in small nods to eldritch horrors, and you have a film that I wanted to shout the praises of from the rooftops. If you are looking for some Halloween delights, please check out Strange Harvest.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
GATHER ROUND MY FOLLOWERS, as I take another step in my journey through Wes Anderson’s catalog. Today’s film is Moonrise Kingdom, a coming of age film about two 12-year-olds, who meet and run off into the island wilderness together. Even as I stand atop this soapbox, I struggle to think of what to even say about this film. Not due to there being anything wrong with the film, but more you are getting a quirky romance film that is, undoubtedly, a Wes Anderson film. I have no doubt, anyone who has glanced at an Anderson film, can picture exactly what this movie has to offer. Everyone gives a great performance, including the two young stars Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward. It is certainly not as head scratching as films like Asteroid City, but you probably don’t want that in a coming of age film. Moonrise Kingdom sits comfortably as one of those feel good flick, you gather the family together after holiday fare has been enjoyed.
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, it had not occurred to me to adapt some of William Shakespeare’s work until I watched 10 Things I Hate About You. Once the credits rolled, I proudly boasted to the vagabond sitting next to me that Hollywood should adapt more of Shakespeare’s work. He immediately roared with a laughter so great, that I immediately Googled the number of modern Shakespeare adaptation. Needless to say, the idea was not all that original.
Nonetheless, 10 Things I Hate About You has to be one of the better examples of how to update an old story. I am sure, like many people, I watched a YouTube summary of Taming of the Shrew a few days after watching this adaptation and saw just how much work went into updating the story for a modern audience. With a solid script, strong directing from Gil Junger, and a cast of 90s heartthrobs including Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 10 Things I Hate About You became another gem for 1999 Hollywood’s crown. It’s a fun movie that I recommend every English teacher show in class when teaching Shakespeare.
Witchboard
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, in an age of design by committee, it is important to support creatives. If a film fills you with joy, follow the writers, directors, actors and all involved, and never stop flocking to their work. Seek out all of their work. It is the only way we will beat back AI invading the arts. Yes, sometime, you might not watch winners, but it is vital to keep the humanity in our stories. So when Chuck Russell, the director of The Mask, The Scorpion King and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, comes out with a new horror movie, I, the Video Game Doomsayer, must give it a try. Alas, my followers, Chuck Russell’s new film, Witchboard was not a winner.
Witchboard, centers around a young girl named Emily discovering a cursed witch board in the woods. After a handful of Emily’s friends mysteriously die, and she experiences some nightmarish visions, she seeks out the help of a mysterious art dealer to cleanse the board of the evil surrounding it. If my summary sounds like the film is riddled with clichés, then I’d be joyful to know my followers are avid horror fans. Even as my mind tries to recall events from this film, it feels as though I am wading through a metaphorical pool of mental molasses. Every idea this film uses has been done in better films, and it is completely void of any new or original ideas. Some might say that’s because this is a remake of the 1986 film of the same name, and I would fire back that we should no longer tolerate remakes that are just copy and paste of the original. We should strive for our arts to strike forward to tell new tales and new morals to accompany them along this journey.
I have not fully written off Russell as a director, but I would challenge him to bring something new to the table next time.
Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
Dare I say, my loyal followers, sometimes a movie comes out too soon. I present to you, Eight Legged Freaks, as my example. The film takes place in Arizona, where a shack full of spiders get exposed to chemicals that cause them to grow in size. The film is trying to ape the old monster movies of the 1950s, but also wants to be playful and humorous, with teens on motocross bikes drop-kicking spiders. The film’s tone reminds me of Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland and Dale and Tucker vs Evil; all films that released after Eight Legged Freaks. I can’t help but imagine a world where the team behind Eight Legged Freaks waited a bit, saw Shaun of the Dead, and tried to inject similar humor into their film. Maybe make the conspiracy-pilled radio jockey a more pivotal character. Alas, it was not meant to be, and the current version of this film is awkwardly trying to play it straight; relegating it to background fodder for drunken Halloween parties.
Jimmy and Stiggs
Speaking of a horror comedy, may I present Jimmy and Stiggs; a film that I would describe as Close Encounter of the Third Kind mixed with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Jimmy is a filmmaker who is struggling to find work do to the fallout between himself and his partner Stiggs. One night, during an alcoholic bender, Jimmy appears to experience being abducted by aliens. In a fit of drugs and paranoia, he gets Stiggs abducted by the same aliens the following night. The two must put aside their differences and fight their small green captors.
The film is clearly made on a shoe string budget, having to utilize plastic aliens that can be found at Spirit Halloween, but I felt it helped lean into the drug fuel hazed the film is striving for. Combined with Jimmy and Stiggs believing drugs and alcohol interfere with the alien technology, you get a film that goes off the rails in a hurry. However, what surprised me the most about this film was how much care and detail went into the relationship between Jimmy and Stiggs, the two were childhood friends who fell out due to Jimmy’s alcohol usage. It’s a detail that might not have been needed but helps cement them as fleshed out characters.
The one critique I have of the film is the ending. I found Jimmy and Stiggs at its best when there is a sense of uncertainty on whether an abduction is really happening or Jimmy just experiencing a drug fueled hallucination. The film constantly reminded me of scenes from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when Raoul Duke starts tripping out and hallucinating. Unfortunately, the ending undermines that mystery by firmly planting its flag in whether the events happened or not. I think leaning into the uncertainty would have been more satisfying of an ending.
Either way, I still believe Jimmy and Stiggs is a great offering for fans of horror comedy, and I look forward to writer-director Joe Begos’s next mind-bending trip of a film.
Nobody 2
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, I am sure it comes to no surprise that I adore the original Nobody, a movie about a family man finally snapping after being pushed around too much and reverting to his one-man army status. I am sure to many, Nobody appeared to be a copycat of the John Wick series, but for me, I always felt it went in an opposite direction. John Wick feels more like a katana, cleanly slicing his way through his foes with ease. Hutch Mansell, played by Bob Odenkirk, feels like a sledgehammer, crashing down on enemies with a bone shattering crack. Just think of the bus scene from Nobody; there’s a raw energy coursing through the scene as Hutch breaks the bones of these thugs.
Nobody 2 hasn’t completely abandoned its brutal nature, but it does feel like it is trying to move away from it. The film revolves around Hutch trying to take a vacation with his family, but ultimately gets pulled into helping the locals deal with the brutal mob that has the city in its vices. Since the film trying to be a vacation story, has the air of a light and breezy side adventure, rather than Hutch’s savage day job. There are some physical fight scenes, including one on a cruise boat, but it doesn’t compare to the bus scene in the original.
I am all for creatives trying to mix it up and do new things, but I don’t think we have seen enough of Hutch to need a fresh spin on things. I think making Nobody 3 just a standard one-man army affair would be ideal for fans of the original film.
Honey Don’t
I’ll confess to you, MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, I was very intrigued when I laid eyes on the Honey Don’t trailer. The film revolves around a private investigator in a small town looking into numerous murders connected to a mysterious church, and with a cast consisting of Margaret Qualley, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Evan, and Charlie Day, I began to get the whodunit itch. I was onboard with the first half of the film as it establishes Honey O’Donahue, played by Qualley, as a sharp witted detective squaring off against frat boy Reverend Drew Devlin, played by Evans, selling faith for sexual favors.
Unfortunately, the film falls apart in the second half like a cheap burrito. Most of the mystery involving Devlin’s church is sidelined for O’Donahue searching for her missing niece. I would have been fine with this new mystery, but the final reveal of the kidnapper feels like it comes completely out of left field and doesn’t tie back to the murder’s involved with the church. The business involving the church is even wrapped up by a mysterious benefactor closing the whole affair down. One could argue that Honey Don’t is trying to capture the same nihilism as No Country for Old Men, especially since this directed by Ethan Coen. However, I feel like that’s a stretch even with the same directors. Sheriff Bell knew that he failed Moss, unlike O’Donahue, who felt no remorse for what ultimately befell Devlin. Now, I certainly struggle to stomach the nihilism of No Country for Old Men, but I can understand why someone could enjoy it. Honey Don’t, on the other hand, is void of a satisfying mystery and deeper themes of nihilism for me to recommend.
Caught Stealing
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! My journey to support directors whose work I love continues. Today I return to Darren Aronofsky, the director behind one of my favorite films from 2022, The Whale, a movie that had me balling like a heart-broken teenager. This time around, Aronofsky is doing his best Guy Ritchie impression with Caught Stealing, a story about an ex-baseball star getting wrapped up in a plot to steal some money from numerous different gangs. Much like The Whale, Caught Stealing was able to crafts a handful f characters that I became invested in. Hank, our ex-ball player, played by Austin Butler, has a tragic past but is doing everything in his power to make amends. He only gets wrapped up in this feud because he agrees to watch his neighbor’s cat. Unfortunately, as the film goes on, more of the characters with depths get shove to the side, including killing one of them off, in exchange for some comically over the top gangsters, that I didn’t really feel any connection to. Thankfully, the film is able to wrap everything up at the end by giving Hank a solid character arc. Despite this, I don’t have much draw to rewatch the film anytime so, but I’d also wouldn’t get up from my seat to change the channel if this came on. To use a baseball metaphor, it felt like Aronofsky got up to the plate after hitting a home run, and grounds out to second. They all can’t be winners.
This is Spinal Tap (1984)
LEND YOUR EAR, MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, AS I SPILL SOME DOOMSAYER LORE. When I was a younger man, I was a drummer in a band. We obviously crashed and burned, but my love of rock n’ roll never died. Even today, I try to set up my cardboard box near a concert, so I can enjoy the show from a distance. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before I stumbled onto the film, This is Spinal Tap, a mockumentary about the fictional band Spinal Tap. With the rock n’ roll scene being overflowing with personalities, the film had a near infinite well to draw from. From the girlfriend who’s too hands-on with the band to mishaps with stage props, This is Spinal Tap is happy to mock the almost larger-than-life rock stars that have let their ego get the best of them at times. Truly, an emperor has no clothes moment that all rock fans will enjoy.