MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS, LEND ME YOUR EARS. I bring forth the bounty of movies that I not only saw on the big screen, but ones I witnessed through the Hulu streaming service. Does Hulu have the library to change an old Doomsayer’s heart on streaming services? Meet me at my soapbox and I shall tell you of my February.
Send Help
GATHER FORTH, MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! The film industry has blessed us with a bountiful January. The days of absolute abominations of films being delegated to the month of January are a distant memory. With the exception of Return to Silent Hill, January films filled this old vagabond with hope once more. Will February continue the trend? First on the chopping block is Sam Raimi’s new film, Send Help. A film that both critics and audiences equally praised. Alas, my followers, I must be the party pooper and proclaim that I did not take delight in this film.
Send Help revolves around Linda Liddle, played by Rachel McAdams, whose sole desire is to receive a promotion at work. Unfortunately, when her boss’s son, Bradley, played by Dylan O’Brien, takes over the business, she is immediately passed over for the promotion. The next day, she and Bradly take a flight to a business venture, only for the plane to crash in the ocean, leaving the two stranded. Linda is prepared though as she was an avid Survivor fanatic. The dynamic between Linda and Bradley immediately shifts as he becomes dependent on her to survive. A back and forth for control between the pair commences as Raimi shoves the camera in his character’s faces in his trademark fashion.
Now, my main gripe with the film stems from the ending; so I have no choice but to wade into the realm of spoilers. If you wish to go into Send Help blind, know that I will most likely not seek out this film for a second viewing. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
The ultimate twist of Send Help is that Linda was cheating. She revealed that she had discovered an abandoned vacation home a few miles from their campsite. She had been using resources from the home such as tools, food, and water a few weeks into their stay. Now, I can see that Raimi is trying to imply that whether it is corporate or wilderness survivor life, those on top of the social hierarchy are often cheating the system. My issue is not with the film’s thesis, but how the movie ultimately waits until the final twenty minutes to make its claim. I am left feeling as though the film pulled the rug out from under me and left me with two characters that I have no desire to root for. Raimi may claim that’s the point, but if it is, then I argue there are plenty of movies with unlikeable characters that I would happily rewatch: The Wolf of Wall Street and Uncut Gems come to mind. I think the difference between Send Help and those films is that Raimi makes Linda feel like the hero for most of the movie. Yes, she slowly starts to do terrible things, such as drugging and threatening Bradley, but it all feels in service of surviving on the island. Whereas revealing she had been raiding the vacation homes feels like it’s done just to slight Bradley. Overall, I struggle to see a reason to give this film an additional two more hours for further viewings.
Amélie (2001)
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! LEND ME YOUR EARS!!! With it being the month of February, it is common for the theaters to bring out some of the classic romantic comedies. I must confess that romcoms are not usually movies that get me to stand atop my soapbox and shout their names into the heavens, but alas, you can always find inspiration from the unlikeliest of places. With that in mind, I went to the theater to see the quirky French romcom known as Amélie, and thought it was just fine.
HEED YOUR TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS, PROFESSORS OF FILM STUDIES, CINEPHILES YOUTUBE ESSAYISTS AND LOVERS OF FRENCH FILMS ALIKE. I will not proclaim this to be a bad film, it is beautifully shot and well acted. I just found the characters all a bit too quirky to really engage with. The moments where Amélie does a good deed for a neighbor or coworker, I wasn’t really moved in any sort of way, which feels like a failure of the movie. Some of you might call me a cold-hearted critic, but what do you expect from a man in rags shouting about movies atop a soapbox.
Palm Springs (2020)
HEAR YE!!! HEAR YE!!! If my thoughts on Amélie made you question if I had the capacity to feel, let me show you a movie that proves that this old Doomsayer has a heart beating within his chest. As a fan of Brooklyn 99 and Andy Samberg, it felt only natural that I use my newly acquired Hulu account to watch the romantic comedy, Palm Springs. Our story begins with a depressed Sarah, played by Cristin Milioti, struggling to smile through her sister’s wedding. During the reception, she meets a strange wedding guest named Nyles, played by Andy Samberg. She then accidentally follows Nyles into a strange cave that causes her to become stuck in the same time loop as Nyles. The two begin an absurdist adventure that leads to a budding romance.
Many have often described this film as a time capsule to 2020, for not only releasing in that year, but also accidentally capturing the mundane days of the COVID lockdowns. Yet for me, Palm Springs feels like a movie about taking risks, especially when it comes to one’s love life. Both Sarah and Nyles are using their time loop to avoid confronting the pain that comes from taking a chance. Both of them wrestle with the idea of going out and facing the future or staying safe in their Groundhog Day-like lives. Unlike Amélie, I walked away from Palm Springs feeling like love might be worth wadding into the uncertain waters to experience.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
Oh Paul Thomas Anderson, why do you forsake me? In an age of the money machine demanding movies be made on a factory conveyor belt, I always feel the need to support the creatives. Yet this is film number two from Mr. Anderson, that I walked away with a weary and indifferent feeling. Again, I am not standing atop my soapbox to claim that this is a bad film; on the contrary, it’s a Paul Thomas Anderson film with Adam Sandler, an actor that is severely underrated due to most of his roles stemming from the well of 90s comedies. The film in question is Punch-Drunk Love.
The film revolves around Sandler’s character Barry Egan; he runs his own plunger manufacturing business, he is trying to use pudding award points to get airline miles, and he gets embroiled in a sex-phone blackmailing scheme. Yet, Barry is able to overcome all these obstacles because he starts dating Lena Leonard, played by Emily Watson. Initially starting out anxious and socially awkward around Lena, Barry is almost able to gain these superhuman levels of confidence by falling in love with her.
Where the movie falls apart for me, is I don’t believe Lena is in love with Barry or would even stay in a relationship with him. It’s established early on that Barry’s anxiety will cause him to have violent outbursts. At a party at his sister’s, he shatters her sliding glass door. Also on his first date with Lena, he smashes up the men’s bathroom at the restaurant. Maybe this is a sign of the times now, but I can’t imagine many women sticking around when you have that violent of an outburst on your first date. I know that Barry is the focus of the film, but giving Lena a few more lines might explain why she continues to tempt fate on becoming another domestic abuse statistic.
Predator: Killer of Killers (2025)
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! I come bearing witness to one of the best things to have graced the Predator franchise. I come bearing the glory of Predator: Killer of Killers, an anthology film about three different warriors from three different points in time coming face to face with a Predator. The three stories that play out all feel uniquely crafted to their specific genre, yet all of them feel like perfect hunting grounds for the Predator. Viking warrior Ursa is leading her tribe in a raid of a rival warlord who murdered her father, only to be ambushed by a Predator. Japanese shinobi Kenji attempts to take revenge on his brother Kiyoshi in this silent short resembling an old samurai film; naturally the pair must work together when a Predator attacks. Finally, World War II mechanic John T. Torres has dreams of being a pilot one day, only to finally get his wish when he has to dogfight a Predator in his alien ship. All three stories come together at the end as the Predators force all three protagonists to fight each other, because the Predators are nothing if not sore losers. All the action and animation in this film is a perfect blend of brutal yet stunning; it makes me wonder why Dan Tractenberg bothered with the Predator: Badlands. Predator: Killer of Killers is my favorite Predator film, and I will cry out to the Gods every day for Trachtenberg to continue the film into an animated series.
No One Will Save You (2023)
HEAR YE!! HEAR YE!!! ONCE MORE I HEAR THE SIREN CALL OF A HORROR MOVIE; this time it was the Hulu exclusive No One Will Save You. A film about an anxious girl named Brynn, who has been exiled by friends, family, and her whole town, but soon has her homebody life flipped upside down when an alien invades her home. Without a single line of dialogue, Brynn must fight off her invaders by coming face to face with the reason behind her self-exile. My loyal followers, as someone who applauds when films use horror as an allegory for bigger themes, I found myself unable to really enjoy this one. It is certainly not a bad film, it just feels lacking. If you are going to be a film without dialogue, I would expect you to be a bit more creative in the visual department. Give us some aliens that are also missing their mouths or better visualize Brynn’s trauma. Unfortunately, No One Will Save You uses many alien tropes throughout its run time: the usual blue tractor beams and small grey aliens. I understand sometimes less is more, but frankly, something needed to be added to separate itself from the sea of little gray alien men that have become all too common.
Crime 101
MY LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! I LONG FOR A GOOD HEIST FILM. For films like Ocean’s Eleven, Die Hard or Heat. Thankfully, MGM Studios and Amazon have brought us Crime 101: a film about jewel thief Davis, played by Chris Hemsworth, trying to get that one last score. The whole time he has LA detective Lou, played by MCU alumni Mark Ruffalo nipping at his heels. The film certainly makes good use of Amazon’s money as many of the car chases feel very slick and clean. Alas, those car chases could only hold my attention for so long as the writing was very lackluster. Lou was the only character I really enjoyed seeing on screen. His whole life is falling apart in the classic cop trope, but you really believe him when he says catching the 101 thief (Chris Hemsworth’s character) will fix his life. Hemsworth as Davis is really not given anything to work with. Davis is your classic quiet guy trying to mask the pain from his childhood and it is such a tired cliché. They even try to force a romance scene between him and this girl who accidentally hits his car. He literally uses her information he got from the accident to call her, and subsequent dates feel like watching paint dry. There is certainly an interesting crime drama buried beneath this lackluster script, but as it currently is, Crime 101 is just Amazon Prime fodder.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
BEHOLD, MY FOLLOWERS!!! A PERFECT TIME CAPSULE INTO THE 1990s. From the music to the costume design, everything in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles not only captures teenage life in the 90s, but filmmaking as well. The film is basically an origin story for the Turtles as they take on Shredder and the Footclan, who are recruiting rebellious teens into their ranks. For a film that is over 30 years old, it certainly does its job, but you can tell the actors were limited by how well their suits let them move. By the end of the film, I was longing for the slick moves that the Turtles had picked up in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem. Alas the film, accompanied with the cheesiest of pizza, will certainly bring you back to those 90s nostalgia feelings.